This conversation is mainly about how to come home to yourself from being disconnected in the past.
For me, I grew up with a mother who was really critical of me. In order to survive, I learned to second guess everything and navigated this world with a lot of anxiety.
Of course it didn't help that the moment I moved out of my parents house and away to college, I was bullied by a boy I developed a fat crush on.
My journey of restoring trust in myself has been long and difficult as my own inner critic was tainted by the voices of my mother and my bully, both of who put me down in my personality and self-identity.
The 3 main things that have helped me develop my own voice are:
- creating space between me and my abusers
- sharing my passions online
- surrounding myself with people who saw the best in me
Luckily, I manifested a boyfriend who loved me for me and celebrated my quirks about 6 months after the bullying began. Around the same time as I met the bully, I also was met with the dearest girlfriends who are still my rocks to this day. The healthy relationships that I had around me allowed me to become more confident, slowly and surely.
Sharing my passions, ideas, and opinions online was another soothing balm to my self-expression. I created a new account so that the people from my past didn't have to come with me on this new journey, unless they wanted to. I shared honestly and vulnerably. It became a healthy outlet for me to get to know my voice and develop more confidence in who I am.
Moving away from my parents (I moved to a different state) helped create the space from my mother's critique so that I didn't have to accept her judgment as truth.
If you are in a similar space of doubting yourself, I hope my story can serve as a reminder that you have a unique voice for a reason! May you allow yourself to express it little by little each day.
Much love,
Joanna